who is the big spoon/little spoon

They don’t spoon. River ends up with her head on his shoulder and one leg thrown over his, and the Doctor thinks that’s quite alright. 

what is their favorite non-sexual activity

Anything. Everything. Exploring, because they’ve both got those minds - those minds that need to touch other things, to reach beyond the bounds of their skulls. 

who uses all the hot water in the morning

River, easily. 

what they order from take out

There was this planet once, right? 

They ordered take out. 

From that. 

Except then River just stole the entire restaurant and River, shit, why are you DOING that. 

what is the most trivial thing they fight over

Her sacrifice. River sees it as trivial, because she’d do it again  and again. Actually, what they fight over is whether or not it was trivial. 

who does most of the cleaning

River does. The Doctor certainly isn’t going to do it, unless it’s the actual TARDIS, so when they’re in a house (which they don’t do for long) he just does not clean. 

what has a season pass in their DVR

Everything. The Doctor doesn’t want to miss things. Lost is taping from the first season and that isn’t even on anymore, and River really just doesn’t want to ask, because he made the TV time travel, dear god. 

who controls the netflix queue

The Doctor does. Really, River is more than happy to let him. It keeps him quiet and lets her work on her thesis. 

who calls up the super/landlord when the heat’s not working

Who are we kidding, the Doctor just fixes it. 

who leaves their stuff around

The Doctor. That shit is just everywhere. 

who remembers to buy the milk

Neither. 

who remembers anniversaries